christmas

my brother, evan, evan's cousin and i all went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button this morning, and we were not disappointed.

it's a beautifully shot story of a man named banjamin button, played by brad pitt, who is born an old man and then proceeds to age backwards. the movie explains his life from birth to death (or birth again, i suppose), from his quirky "childhood" and "adolescence" to his travels around the world and his romance with a woman named daisy played by kate blanchette. filled with magic and humanity, it's a wonderful movie. definitely go watch it right away!

christmas goodies were had today, and i like to catalogue the things i recieve from family and friends. sometimes it helps me step away and realize how thankful i am for lovely people in my life.

the loot...

from my parents:

underwear!

cute leg warmers

sandalwood incense

"cross-action power" toothbrush

two lovely bracelets made from real stone (not sure what kind)

a "warming scarf" with microwavable inserts

two pairs of boots (both incredibly adorable)

from my brother:

an iPod nano

lost season 4

$60 gift card to Romy

from mary and audie:

a book light

wickless scented oils and a holder for them

$50

from evan:

a NERV mug (from anime neon genesis evangelion)

the movie Finding Neverland

from rachel:

a set of cute earrings

a large sketchbook

a plastic pallette

hurray for lovely gifts and loving people! merry christmas!

funny

and the one that takes the cake is...

also, check this out: http://www.oddee.com/item_94046.aspx

my favorite is the crooked house.

last night and a dream

last night evan, his parents, his brother drew and drew's friend matt, my brother john, vanessa, rachel, and myself all went out to a fabulous sushi resaurant named sushi tama to celebrate evan's birthday and exchange christmas gifts. it was so much fun. the sushi was excellent, and audie (evan's dad) was kind enough to pick up the tab even though john, evan, and i all tried to fight him for it.

we all exchanged gifts too, and evan and his family are all so nice. evan got me a mug that was incredibly thoughtful because it was just like the one in this anime that we were watching, and i thought it was really neat and said really casually and with no real intent, "ohh, i want that," and he got it for me. his parents were super nice and gave me a reading light that you can attach to your book, a wickless candle type thing that has these scented waxes that melt and smell wonderful, and also $50 (way too much for me!).

after the dinner me, john, evan, vanessa and rachel all went to a bar named cheers west and had a couple beers and played pool and darts. it was great fun, and i was so happy that we all were together to celebrate!

DREAM:

the dream i had last night was horrible though, in spite of the lovely evening. in it i was incredibly sad because (i hadn't seen any of this, but i knew it had happened) everyone in my life were acting as though they hated me, even evan. for some reason i knew all this and i was in the hallway of one of the buildings of my high school. evan was there standing away from me. i told him to wait for me, that i wanted to talk. he looked at me and he started walking away really fast. i tried to keep up with him and he started running and i lost him. i started crying and got lost.

for some reason everything was different and i couldn't tell where i was. suddenly i turned the corner and there was a tent, a big one, and i heard laughing from inside of it, and evan's voice. i opened the flap and went inside and everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at me. evan was in the middle, with kristy huffman (who he dated in high school, and with whom we have a strange and uncomfortable history) was on his left and a girl i never liked in high school but also never knew really named lexi scamhorn (she was best friends with his first girl friend though) was on his right, and they were cuddled together in a way that bothered me. i tried to calm down, and then heard myself ask without thinking about it, "do you all hate me?" they began laughing at me, and that's all they did. they laughed and pointed.

suddenly the scene changed, and i was laying in the tent too, and they had all moved as far away from me as possible. they would look at me and smirk and point and laugh and touch each other like they were best friends (or more). in my hands i had an egg shape, and i knew it was something i had made. it felt like it was made of resin. it was dark black. and i was inserting long wicked-looking needles into it one by one until it was completely full and my hands were bleeding from it. all the while i was trying to talk to them, asking them why they hated me, and they ingnored me. when i was done with the egg i sat up, and they sat up too, and nobody said anything. and then i put both my hands around the egg and started squeezing as hard as i could. they last thing i saw were needles protruding from the tops of my hands, and the last thing i heard was them laughing, and then i woke up. i had been crying in my sleep.

try this

i found this while i was stumbling around on the internet:

http://www.lovethosekids.com/illusions/mindtrick2.htm

it worked on me, and creeped me out. did it work on you??

poem

the wind it howls through darkened night
and questions stir invading sight
making clean truths once told seem not
turning cheery ways to rot
blurring lively jumble and noise
boldly you turn but then lose poise
for standing there in winter's grip
a fear so foul that screams do slip
from throat to tongue and tongue to air
wishing hard to not be there
hands they clutch and eyes they close
body trapped in a frightened pose
then warmth and rapture wraps around
then a voice that's cold with satin's sound
holds before you calm delight
and questions stir invading sight
making clean truths once told seem not
now ensnared in dark's deep plot
and though the fear makes pure blood freeze
all his gifts they glitze and tease
and before too long look out behold
another poor soul is dead and sold

bento boxes...

...that are so awesome i can't even imagine eating them!

snow days

don't get me wrong, the snow is beautiful blah blah blah. i get it. but it certainly leaves me very grumpy. it's not so much the snow as it is the aftermath of snow that gets my goat. it's the ice and the slush and the sliding and the being stuck in houses that are located at the bottom of incredibly steep and slippery hills. that's the stuff i can't stand. if i could make a truce with the snow that it would never impede my and my getting from point a to point b, well then i would be just as excited for snow as anybody else. as it stands though, i feel a little stir crazy because of it.

rachel came over today though and we made a snow man in my yard. it was funny. the snow man is immaculate. we got done and realized that we had really just kind of talked about christmas for a while, and then settled into plans on what would make the perfect snowy white and proportionate textbook snowman. we wondered to each other, "when did playing in the snow become a test of perfection, a contest?" "what were we thinking about when we did this wort of thing when we were little and didn't care whether or not our snowman was lopsided, or if its arms weren't the same length?" i'll bet that if i had been doing it with evan or carissa it would have been a silly snow man to the max, which would have been great too.

and now i am going to sit my the fire with a mug of hot cocoa and read a silly fantasy novel, which is exactly what i would love to do right now.

dream

i had a scary dream last night. i dreamt that i was on this crazy creepy greyhound bus in the middle of alaska and i was trying to go to where everyone i knew was. ievan and john, vanessa, rach, carissa, kristin, everyone, but i didn't know where. and the buswas strange because everyone had black buttons for eyes and wouldn't talk to me, and kristy huffman and and a homeless man were having dirty sex in the seat next to me very loudly. sometimes they would stop and snort a few lines of cocoaine, and then play some pool, because apparently there was a pool hall on the bus where frightening men sat smoking ciggarettes and watching them have sex. so we get to this airport, and i'm looking around, and the ghost of everyone on the bus are in this plane we're supposed to be loading into screaming "don't get on! death is coming for this plane!" and it's so loud, but for some reason i'm the only one who can hear it. so i open my mouth to tell everyone we need to stop where we are, but my tongue is stuck to the top of my mouth and my lips are glued shut, and i can't at all make a sound, so i'm tearing at my lips and screaming in my head until i wake up. the last thing i remember seeing is evan running towards me crying. it was so scary.

new years resolution cont.

tips for weight loss:

1. drink water, and not pop or juice. 8 glasses a day! encourages muscle-building, keeps you hydrated, and refrains from silly sugar intake.

2. eat six small meals a day, or just little things throughout the day, rather than three big meals. big meals increase fat storage, and your body is unable to metabolize them properly. eat every 2-3 hours.

3. add weights to your workout. it burns calories faster and helps boost metabolism.

4. eat a protein-rich diet (make sure those proteins have little fat). protein helps your body burn fat faster, helps rebuild muscle after workouts, and maintains leanness of that muscle.

5. cut calories wisely. take steps to cutting calories in your new diet because reducing calories too quickly forces your body to use up all your calories in your body, which lowers your metabolism.

6. reward yourself. if you have temptations it is better to give in a little bit than not at all and have a big binge. rewards will limit cheating, so have a treat (like a kiss each evening).

7. avoid marathon workouts. rather than having one big workout, have little workouts throughout the day. being constantly active is the key to a healthy lifestyle, and helps your metabolism.

8. mix up your workouts. this helps keep you from getting bored and allows your body to get better tone everywhere.

9. avoid alcohol. alcohol not only has tons of calories and acts as an inhibitor for burning fat.

10. keep a workout and food journal.

11. never skip breakfast.

12. eat good fats rather than bad fats. good fats are avocadoes, canola oil, olive oil, and sunflower oil. bads fats are trans fats and partially hydrogenates oils.

i had a realization

i really am not satisfied with my body. but i was two summers ago, when i was climbing hard and working at kids camp all the time. i want to be like that again, active and always on the go and always climbing and running around and slacklining.

new years resolution:

to be svelte.

how:

strict vegetarianism, only eating until sated, cutting back on sweets, and most of all EXERCISE. i want to run a mile twice a week and climb hard regularly. i need to stretch daily and do alternative power training on the side (weight lifting, crunches, push ups).

i think that because of my schedule i should do the running and power training on mondays, tuesday, and thursdays in the morning before class.

i am going to make this happen. i want to feel healthy, and fit, and to get better at climbing.

it's been a long time.

right now i am listening to the most beautiful new music I've heard in a long time. the name of the artist is erik enocksson. The name of the song i am listening to is "the lingering procession." it's blowing me away.

i just got done with my fourth fall quarter at western. things are so different in my life right now. i can't seem to grasp everything that's changed. kristin graduated and now she's gone. she's moved out, and me and the girls have accepted a new roommate into the house. i haven't met her yet, but her name is Leta, and she is dating a wonderful rock climber and person I met this quarter named Sean. us and them might be promising. I have a good feeling about this.

school went decently. I got a 3.8. that's better than i expected. it's scary to think that my education is winding down, even a little bit. i only have three or four more quarters to go. it's frightening. what am i going to do about money? i can't think about it now. it kills me.

i told my sister Merlita about dating Evan. it was a tense thing for me to do; i feel so reserved around her. it's like we have no relationship at all. i don't know if i can say i love her, or even like her. it's a thing that can't be defined, our relationship, because it never really existed. how sad.

the new year is around the corner. i'm 21 years old now. i feel like that's so old. how can i feel like i'm nearing the end when things are just beginning? as schmendrick would say, there are no happy endings because nothing ever ends. there are only beginnings, i need to remind myself of that.

what i've been waiting for

finally seeing radiohead. they were incredible.



setlist (august 20,2008):

1. 15 Step 2.Reckoner 3. Optimistic 4. There There 5. All I Need 6. Pyramid Song 7. Talk Show Host 8. The National Anthem 9. The Gloaming 10. Videotape 11. Lucky 12. Faust Arp (repeated fuckups as mentioned) 13. Jigsaw Falling into Place 14. Climbing Up the Walls 15. Dollars and Cents 16. Nude 17. Bodysnatchers

encore one:

1. How to Disappear Completely 2. Arpeggi 3. Idioteque 4. In Limbo 5. Street Spirit

encore two:

1. You and Whose Army (dedicated to Seattle WTO protests) 2. No Surprises 3. Everything in Its Right Place

moving too fast

it surprises me how much college i've actually been through. i'm a senior now, about to start my fourth year, and i can't stop feeling like i was just a freshman. time sort of loses meaning in college. i think it's because you no longer count it is days or weeks, but rather by when an assignment is completed, by the negative space between class, work and homework. when you actually have time to yourself, it's spent perusing mind-altering drugs, and then all time literally becomes hazy. don't get me wrong, i have no problem with experiencing this time in my life in this way, but when i have to sit down and see into my future and plan things out i get horribly anxious.

so here it is: after sitting down today i've come to realize that as long as i get into woodring this coming winter, i can finish my art endorsement by spring and then the education class will fall into place and finish themselves the year after, making me a super senior for only one year. but if i don't get into woodring pronto... i don't know what happens. i have no idea. and it freaks me out. here's hoping all goes to plan.

shittily enough it seems as though my fall quarter is going to be pretty intense. but i guess if that means i graduate in a reasonable manner that's okay. i might just have to take it easy on the 21-runs. ::sigh::

but there's yet another rough stipulation: student loans. i don't even know where to start on that. so i won't.

i don't know that i have anything to say

but maybe something will come up soon, and this is where i'll put it. maybe i'll keep this as a journal of sorts, for art and poetry and things, or maybe even of my life, which i very rarely feel the need to do, but things change. Maybe I'll even start using correct capitalization and punctuation. but maybe not we'll see.